From Doubting Thomas to Ordinand

In this season of ordinations, Toby Hickey describes his calling .

I grew up as an anxiety-driven individual, overthinking everything. I was a non-believer, so I relied on my own wisdom and strength to get through each day. I grew up between Portsmouth and East Yorkshire and had a passion for the outdoors, football, and chocolate! At 18, I decided to enrol at Aberystwyth University, purely because it had a nice sunset.

In my second year, a friend invited me to church. Initially reluctant, I decided to go. By the end of the service, I was crying, overwhelmed by a voice that told me, "You are going to work for the Church." For me, this was the last thing I wanted, as I thought church was boring and alien. Yet, I kept attending because it gave me a comfort I had never felt before. Eighteen months later, preparing for my Geography Masters at Aberystwyth, I prayed one night and heard a voice say, "Toby, do not be afraid." Opening my eyes, I saw Jesus standing before me. He had the biggest smile, wearing a robe whiter than snow. He showed me moments of my life and my name in the biggest book possible. This was my first of three encounters with Him, and I was bursting to tell everyone. I started getting more involved with the church, still struggling to understand why I was needed there.

Several months passed as I wrestled with the question, "Why me?"  I saw so many people who I thought were perfect Christians and I strived for what I perceived as that perfection. However, that all changed one night when Jesus woke me to clean my hands and feet. After that incredible encounter, I decided to accept these extraordinary events and use them to inspire people.

Now, a couple of years later, I am preparing to train as an Ordinand with the Church in Wales, inspired by a dream of giving someone a blessing. I dedicate my life to the One who pulled me out of the grave, who saw something in me. I want the Lord to use me as a disciple for His will, for His glory, and to see His kingdom grow not just in St David’s Diocese, not just across Cymru, but everywhere. As someone who never believed, someone who was consumed by doubt, I can say He is truly alive!