Without God’s grace, I’d be dead.

Mark Evans is an alcoholic. But with God’s help he is recovering. This is his story

And he healed many who were ill with divers diseases, and cast out many devils; and suffered not the devils to speak, because they knew him. (Mark 1:34 KJV)

Addiction is an affliction; it is not a weakness or wilful self-indulgence. If you regularly drink too much but can stop, you are not addicted: you have a bad habit. I discovered this as my drinking became occasionally too much; then regularly too much; then always too much. I tried to stop but I couldn’t. I’d lost control to the ‘demon drink.’ And it is a demon. Addiction can be thought of as possession by something as demonic as any supernatural entity depicted in a horror movie or book.

After years of increasingly irresponsible behaviour, of hurting others, wrecking my life and the lives of loved ones, things came to a head. I’d destroyed a loving relationship. I was destroying my family and myself. I was very close to dying. With the support of family and friends I acknowledged that I had a serious problem and went into a rehabilitation clinic. My eleven weeks in rehab were the hardest I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve experienced some very hard times I can assure you.

Without loving support, I would not have done it. I’d not be here today; without God’s grace I’d be dead.

A miracle? An exorcism such as we see in horror stories? No. It wasn’t that dramatic: life isn’t like that. But through all my striving, my suffering, God’s presence, quietly, firmly, was there. I didn’t look for it or ask for it; but it was there. In the mornings when I walked in the clinic garden; in tough counselling sessions; in conversations with my fellow ‘possessed.’ They had horrific tales to tell of abuse, abandonment, exploitation. Yet still were decent, compassionate, loving. I sensed God in the hope around me, and in myself.

I’m cured and all is well? No. I’m a ‘recovering alcoholic,’ not ‘recovered.’ You don’t recover. There’s no cure. Addiction is permanent: you try to manage it, try to avoid relapsing, pick yourself up when you fall; not let the demon take control once more. Hard - but I’ve discovered, in the kindness of others, in the beauty of the world, in God’s healing presence, that God is here, reaching out. Quietly. Gently. He is here.

General mental health support services

Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/mind-cymru-mind-in-wales

Addiction support services

Kaleidoscope: https://kaleidoscope68.org

DDAS: https://barod.cymru/where-to-get-help/west-wales-services/ddas-dyfed-drug-and-alcohol-service